


A Frozen Jungle

by Midna127



Series: Waifu Wars Cinematic Universe [8]
Category: Fire Emblem Musou | Fire Emblem Warriors, Fire Emblem Series, Frozen (Disney Movies), Leo the Lion (2013), Luigi's Mansion (Video Games)
Genre: Crack, Crack Crossover, Crack Treated Seriously, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, F/M, M/M, Vore, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:06:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23052166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midna127/pseuds/Midna127
Summary: Queen Elsa meets an elephant, and chaos ensues.
Relationships: Barack Obama/William Shakespeare, Darius | Darios/Morty (Luigi's Mansion 3), Elsa/Maximus Elephante
Series: Waifu Wars Cinematic Universe [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1301696
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	A Frozen Jungle

Deep in the jungles of Italy, the ice queen Elsa had come to settle negotiations with the elephant population of Italy.

"Hello? I've come to settle negotiations with the elephants of this country," Elsa called out.

A thunderous series of steps could be heard approaching her. "Yes. I've been waiting for you." The voice belonged to a large male elephant dubbed by Matt Mercer.

Elsa saw the incoming elephant and smiled with relief. "Oh, thank goodness. I thought that I was set up." She curtsied. "I am Queen Elsa of Arendelle," Elsa told the elephant, completely disregarding the sequel.

"I am Maximus Elephante, current leader of the elephant people." He bowed his head and tucked in his trunk. "You have traveled far, and I apologize for that."

"No need to. Now, let us discuss the fruit importation from Italian land," Elsa prompted.

Maximus nodded. "Of course. But, since you traveled so far, it'd only be fair that we discuss this over food."

Elsa nodded. "That would be nice. What do you have in mind?"

The Italian elephant got closer to Elsa. "Well, do you enjoy cold food?"

"Nothing cold bothers me," she responded.

"And anything warm?"

Elsa was confused. "Well, I'm not sure. I've mostly been in coldness."

"Well, I know how you can experience some warmness," Maximus told her. "Though I'm sure I'll enjoy this far more than you will." And with that, he picked Elsa up with his trunk and ate her.

"Ah... I do so enjoy foreign food," Maximus laughed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A pause icon appeared on the screen. "Well, that was not what I expected it to be," William Shakespeare mumbled. "Where did you say you got this from, my love?"

"Some seller off of Amazon," replied Barack Obama. "Goes to show that we need to rely on sites rather than DVDs for our fetishes. Good God, that was terrible. Whoever directed it deserves to be killed."

Shakespeare shook his head. "And somehow I'm the dramatic one of the two of us." He continued playing the DVD and watched the credits roll. William paused again, pulled out his phone, and began typing.

"William?" Obama asked. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to look up the director, but I'm stuck."

Obama looked at Shakespeare. "No results?!"

"No, I don't know how to unlock my phone."

The former president snatched the cell phone and typed in the password: "NOMAGA".

"Oh. I thought it was 'NOMANGA.'" The dead poet typed in the director's name into Google.

"If I had my seat in the White House still, I would make sure of it that the director is killed for such a terrible film," Obama growled.

Shakespeare looked at Obama. "I don't think you can do that."

"Why? Because I'm not in power?"

William shook his head no. "He's already dead."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The door opened somewhat dramatically, befitting of its opener. "Behold! One of my favorite places in the hotel!" the door opener proclaimed.

A set of footsteps stepped into the room. "What is this place?"

"A place that stores my film reels, props, and anything else. In short, a museum for my works," he explained. "Isn't it wonderful, Darios?"

"Oh my gods, Morty," Darios mused. "You made all of these?"

The ghost smiled. "Of course! Making some of them are among the best moments of both my life and career."

The prince picked up a buried film reel, hidden out of sight. "Some, you say? Would this be one of them?"

Morty immediately slapped the reel out of his hands. "I thought I had gotten rid of that thing!"

"What thing?" Darios asked. "What are you hiding from me?"

"H-Hiding? If anything, I'm saving you from a mistake I made! Something I was so desperate to make because of how low I was on money and support. Something that would attract a niche crowd that demanded something for their desires-"

Darios looked at the reel. "A porno?"

"Fetish film, Darios. Fetish film," he groaned, a lot of hatred in his tone. "That... thing is one of the many reasons why I'm happy to be dead."

The prince of Gristonne gave Morty a look of pity. "Don't say stuff like that. Your life- er, afterlife means so much to me, regardless of your choices."

"You mean it?"

Darios nodded. "Of course. I know we've only been together since, when? Last December? And this has honestly been one of the greatest things to happen to me. Being with you, not finding a fetish film."

"Yes, we should burn that thing," Morty replied. "Thank you, Darios."

"It's far from a problem. Both loving you, and burning this." Darios picked up the film reel and the two of them left the room.

Morty sighed. "I just hope any physical copies are no longer available to the public, especially now with sites for these things."

"I don't even know what happened in this thing, but it sounds bad," Darios agreed.

"Trust me, you don't want to know. You really don't."


End file.
